I could hear her moving the chair

across the floor

She had placed it in the hall

perhaps too carefully

I entered and pulled out

my tape measure

explained to her

the importance of seat height

a sled base versus casters

she doesn’t wonder at my interest

in chairs

but rather seems to want more

of something

as we stand in the hall and talk

she’s moving to D.C.

to study clinical psych

her words are measured

her reactions fixed casters

yet she’s moving away

and the chair is too small

as it sits slightly angled

like a dog who doubts he is loved

perhaps I will find two strips of wood

to elevate the base

such things can be done

if sitting weren’t so important

she would probably stay

I’d refuse to leave too

and the summer would flee

as we stood in the hall

yet down three flights of stairs

in the light of the street

nobody can sit

without wondering

where their small hopes have fled

tonight ours speak softly

through the shiny brass keyholes

of a three-story walkup in Chinatown

in L.A.

the sun doesn’t go away.

there is always a very real danger of self-imploding.

every day begins uncertain

but concludes with wads of dollar bills

stuffed in your ears.

death follows you just a little more quietly

but when he finds you

he pulls up a chair.

I spend the day avoiding mirrors

but chase my own reflections

through the eyes of strangers

because there anyway

there is at least some shard of truth

discernible by its eagerness

to inflict pain.

if you trust the sky

and radiate happiness

you are doomed to fail—

unless of course it is genuine fake happiness,

or unless your goal is to fail,

or unless you have wads of dollar bills

sticking out of your ears.

to be patient is to take the speed of light

and fold it in half.

I’ve lost
And I’ve won
And she rests quietly in her crib

It is an upsetting image this next one
Falling debris, clean up of centuries,
Empty hands

Catch what the birds love most
Which is mistakenly you
Again and again and again
Out with this concentric dreaming
Leading my limbs astray
Which is again me
Mistaking ghosts for prisoners
And as the vastness of your single error
Encompasses my pride
So does it erase all October skies

Thank God

And thank Summer for upsetting itself again
And thank Lachesis for her swiftness
And thank this punishing dream
For bringing out the best in no one
And for bating my breath with the Truth

Its taste	           will sink islands

why is the screaming death screaming?
the strings too screaming
out of a dark irresolute mouth
the impatient gulls hovering
steady-eyed squakless

and the slender tree with its false eyes
my tender eyes becoming groping hands
i use to rummage for my notes

the notes leap overboard, excited

sober moments
where i rest on the dashboard my tiny hopes
sober moments
when trees become what they are
beyond the meaning i give them

sober moments where i’m told just what to do
then set free to go about doing it

sober moments i’ve never known,
once hidden inside the meaning itself
playing my life harp
dancing their impatient dance

I just gave myself a perspective, without being derogatory
Explained profundity without using gravity
For we are the explainers of all life—
and all life bows.

Resist and the Keeper will mock you
Protect and he will pursue.

I was wearing an ugly mask when we met—yeah, that was me.
I was…exactly. That was me. Yes, it was me. I kept appearing
over your shoulder, yes…that was me.

You have some strong feelings, fledgling.
Keep your goals obtuse.

6/17/09
The end is always punctuated like a lunar lander exploding. I’m inside the time capsule now, forever trapped and looking for a way between the sand grains. Invariably several get stuck in my eye. I don’t cry.